Everything you will read here is real. All names have been changed so that people focus on the lessons rather than the individuals involved.
Meanwhile, my own life continued moving forward. That year I spent time traveling between El Salvador and the United States for work. I also had the chance to visit France and California, where I was able to see places from my childhood again and reconnecting with memories from earlier in life.
In October 2023, only a few weeks after Sharon and I officially started dating, my birthday came around. I wanted to do something special, so I reserved an apartment for the weekend and planned to cook for us. All I wanted was to spend my birthday with the woman I loved. For Sharon, though, the idea of staying overnight somewhere was new.
She had never slept over at a friend’s house before. Her mother had always been very strict. For me, growing up, I was used to staying over at friends’ houses all the time. I had friends in the United States, Japan and many cousins as well. Sleepovers were normal. We would spend the night playing video games and ordering pizza. The idea of spending a weekend away together felt natural to me. It was actually the first time I had done something like that with a girlfriend, since this was my first truly serious relationship.
My mom was okay with me spending the weekend together with Jelly Bean for my birthday. I was now 31 but she also had to tell her mother and she hated the idea. Her mother was very religious evangelical Christian and extremely close minded about certain things. I also noticed some things in their home that felt unusual to me. For example, there was a Star of David symbol above the front door of her house and on a necklace her mother wore. As someone who grew up Catholic, it felt a bit strange to see that combination of symbols and traditions. I know Jesus himself was Jewish but the mixture of different religious symbols is unorthodox.
The birthday weekend itself was wonderful. She and I spent the time together peacefully. I cooked for her and we enjoyed each other’s company. I remember that weekend very fondly. She never missed church a day in her life, she went every Wednesday and Sunday without fail, but that weekend she skipped church because it was my birthday and that meant a lot to me.
Not long after that, in November, I had to travel back to New Jersey for work. Sharon asked if she could come with me and I thought it would be a great idea. The trip turned into something special for both of us. I booked a hotel in New York’s Financial District so we could enjoy the city together during the weekend before heading to New Jersey for my work meetings. During the weekdays we stayed closer to my job in New Jersey, but at night we often drove back into New York to explore the city together. That trip became our first major trip as a couple. It was another learning experience. Driving in New York and New Jersey was stressful at times, especially at night or during long drives through unfamiliar areas.
During that trip I also introduced Jelly Bean to Juan, my best friend. The three of us spent some time together having drinks and eating out a couple of times. One night Jelly Bean had a little too much to drink. We ended up at a rooftop bar and things got messy after she tried smoking weed. The helicopter started to hit her hard. I had to take care of her and drive us back safely.
Over the following months, our relationship had both good moments and difficult ones.
Despite the ups and downs, overall it was still a meaningful year for me. I had a job doing work I enjoyed, and I was building a relationship with Sharon but that relationship also began revealing differences between us. She and I came from very different backgrounds. Our beliefs, lifestyles and even small cultural habits felt very different. We tried to navigate those differences. We spent Thanksgiving together. Then Christmas came, and shortly after that we celebrated New Year’s Eve at her family’s house. That night ended up being more difficult than I expected.
Her mother had prepared arroz con asparagus, a traditional dish often served during celebrations but the the food was cold and not very flavorful, and I secretly hated it. It was the absolute worst I’ve ever had in my life. Looking back now, I realize that I behaved poorly that night. Instead of appreciating the effort her family made to host me, I focused on criticizing things internally. I felt uncomfortable with the atmosphere as well. Their family celebrations were quiet and simple, while I was used to louder gatherings with music, drink, and a more festive environment.
There wasn’t even champagne or anything to toast the new year. At the time, I interpreted that difference as a sign that our lifestyles might not match but in hindsight, I also recognize that part of the problem was my own shallow attitude. I was too spoiled and accustomed to another way of life and I still needed to learn humility. During that night I started wondering whether we were truly compatible in the long term. New Year’s Eve ended awkwardly and although we tried to move past it, the experience stayed in the back of my mind, and I’m sure it was always on hers too.
We entered 2024 hoping to continue building the relationship and see where things would go. The year had its good moments but of course it brought challenges. One moment that stands out happened when a friend of mine came to visit from Germany. I rarely see him, so some of our old friends organized a small barbecue to welcome him.
I decided to go. I hadn’t seen many of my friends in a long time. When I told Sharon I was going to the barbecue, she asked why I hadn’t invited her. I explained that it was mostly just nerds playing games and that I would be back by around 11 p.m. or midnight. She asked me if there were girls at the party and I said no. Later, someone from the party posted a group photo online and tagged me. It was mostly just a group of guys, but way in the back, it turned out the host’s girlfriend was in the photo. Sharon immediately got upset and accused me of lying because I said there weren’t any women. She kept asking when I was going home because she couldn’t sleep until I got back.
It was midnight and I hadn’t left yet. My friend wanted to play Super Smash Bros., so we decided to play one round but the controllers weren’t charged. While we were waiting, Sharon started calling and messaging nonstop. She told me I had to leave, saying things like, “If you want to stay there and have fun, then you don’t need to be in a relationship anymore. I’m looking for a man who’s serious.”
Then she gave me an ultimatum: “Is it your friends or me?” So, I left. I got in my car and drove home while she stayed on the phone the entire time. She asked me to share my GPS location so she could watch me drive back. Looking back, the situation was complicated. Part of me found her concern flattering, crazy Latina love. It felt like she cared deeply about me but another part of me realized that it was also a sign of control and insecurity. One of my friends even joked that I was letting a woman control my life.
By the time I got back, it was almost 1 a.m. and I felt so empty. I had left my friends I hadn’t seen in years just to appease her. I wasn’t even drunk or doing anything crazy, just catching up with old friends but it didn’t matter. She was upset the whole time and the situation felt exhausting. I was dating someone who always had to go to sleep by 8:30, 9 p.m. at the latest. Because of that, I had to adjust my entire routine. I’d have to make sure I planned everything early, dinner at 6, finish eating by 7 and then drop her off so she could get ready for bed and fall asleep by 9:30, or at the absolute latest, 10. Over time, I got so used to it that it became normal for me. I didn’t go out late and I rarely hung out with friends because it was just impossible to fit it all in.
Sharon has always had the same routine: after work, she’d go to Pilates from 5:00 to 6:00, then head home. That was her daily life. Work, Pilates, rest. Wednesdays and Sundays she’d go to the tabernacle with her mother. But for the longest time, she had this horrible pain in her lower back. It just wouldn’t go away and it kept getting worse. She went to at least five different doctors over the years and every single one of them told her she was fine. They’d prescribe her some medication, often with opioids, but she didn’t want to take them. No one could figure out what was wrong.
One day, she mentioned it to my mom. My mom suggested, “Why don’t you get an MRI? That’s the only way you’ll know for sure what’s going on.” None of the doctors had ever recommended that. Sharon was skeptical at first but decided to try it. And guess what? The MRI showed she had a herniated disc in her lower back and none of the doctors with degrees had thought of it. It just tells you the type of people who are “professionals”.
Finally, she had an answer. Knowing what was wrong allowed her to start addressing it. This also meant she had to stop doing Pilates and running, which was actually making the hernia worse. We wanted to help her find an alternative, so we started going to the Club Salvadoreno in the city with a pool. Swimming seemed like a good, low-impact way to help her heal. I joined her for about a month and a half and she was making progress but then she felt self-conscious swimming in a bikini with families and kids around, it wasn’t exactly a private or a professional setting. When the rainy season hit, we had to stop altogether. The rain in El Salvador last for months, so swimming wasn’t an option anymore. She’s hesitant about surgery because of the risks and high costs, so we tried other ways to manage the pain. If my mom hadn’t suggested that MRI, Sharon would still be the dark about her condition.
Sometimes Sharon would buy me gifts but I often told her that it wasn’t necessary and at the same time, she expected me to buy gifts for her, her mother or family. Every weekend we were going out on dates and I found myself spending a lot of money. It became difficult to balance work, finances and the relationship. Traffic also made it harder for us to see each other during the week. She began arguing more often.
Eventually, almost an entire year had passed and in September 2024, we even traveled together to London, another major trip for us. Our trip to London was beautiful in some ways but it also became another moment where I started realizing that my birthday and New Year’s was around the corner. I didn’t want a repeat of last year.
Sharon started criticizing everything about me, complaining about my habits or saying negative things about me personally like how my socks smelled after an entire day of walking in London, that I moved too much in the bed and she can’t sleep well. I also noticed that she seemed frustrated with her own life. Her friends were living abroad, already married and building families. Of course she felt pressure when comparing her life to theirs.
She wasn’t happy with her job and she often felt tired, unappreciated or stressed. It seemed like she wanted everything in life to change immediately rather than accepting that real progress takes time. For me, building a life meant patience and working step by step toward your goals everyday. She just wanted the final results. Almost a year into our anniversary, two weeks before my birthday on October 7, 2024, Sharon ended the relationship.
My car was in the shop for a week so I got in an Uber and was 30 minutes late to meeting Sharon at Soya Nutribar. She constantly said it was her moms and hers favorite place to go and we never went until that day. Well, so I finally arrived and she was eating by herself in a garden surrounded by leaves. We talked and she got to the point saying that it has now been 1 year and she wants to end it:
She didn’t have a ring on her finger, and she didn’t want to wait.
I made it clear that I wouldn’t put a ring on someone’s finger in less than a year. But by the third month of dating, she was already talking about marriage, and throughout the entire year she would constantly show me her finger, reminding me that there was no ring on it.
We don’t have an apartment yet living together and she doesn’t think we will
She has difficulties with her mom at home and was looking to move out but we both agreed and ended up deciding that it was best to stay with her mother and that the first year will be to take care of our mothers, save money and then move in together the 2nd year.
I reminded her the moment that we decided to move in until next year. If she wanted to move in so badly we could have sat down to talk about it, but she ended up saying “Well you never took the initiative.” When I had told her about our previous plan.
She thinks my mom has a “Strong personality” and doesn’t want to compete with her.
This is the thing that really threw me off. My mom is a strong, independent woman and she doesn’t take any bullshit. She leads people and knows how to do things properly. She studied at an Ivy League University, she’s been part of the board of directors of companies and yes, she’s traveled the world starting from absolutely nothing. She’s an inspiration to me and many women always admire her for what she’s done because all women want to empower each other to do the same. Sharon also aspires to be like my mother, successful and well traveled but complaining about competing with my mother? What an extremely absurd thing to say. She’s pathetic.
She thinks my mother will impose her ideas on us and get in between our decisions.
She will never interfere with my relationships and she never has in the past. My mother respects my decisions and knows that I would always make the right decision. Of course, any parent will give their opinions to weigh their decision to help see things in another perspective but in the end I will decide what I will do with my life.
She thinks my mother will impose her ideas on us and get in between our decisions.
This was it… this was the one thing that I always tried to avoid. For years, I consistently, constantly spoke about how we never ended up going out on dates because we’re too different. I was the one who started this. And it was all because I love SEAFOOD. Because I love to eat sushi, smoked salmon, squid, oysters, caviar, ceviche and I thought to myself, “Will I really be able to date someone and go to a Japanese restaurant who doesn’t love Japanese food like I do? Can I enjoy eating sushi with other people?”
It may seem ridiculous to some but food is very important especially when you’ll spend every day eating together, bonding over things. So I decided it wasn’t worth it, and for ten years I never took the shot. But in the end, we did date and go eat Japanese food together. She would get the tofu, edamame, ramen, tempura, and I would get all the sushi. We found middle ground and I was so happy because those differences were all in my mind. People can fall in love and be in peace with one another regardless of how different they are. I find the beauty in that but she only saw the differences and I just feel so sorry for her, that she is unable to see past that.
The following is a message I wrote down about all the things I just hated about her. I never sent this to her. You can feel the hatred in my words and my words are my weapons. I’ve hurt more people with my words than with bullets. I always need a way to properly express myself and let the truth come out. I haven’t read it in over one year and six months. A lot has changed since then, but I leave this here as a reminder to myself why I can never go back to her:
