The only constant in life is change

Life is a rollercoaster with highs and lows. The family gatherings, the days of travel, the wild nights, the mistakes, the heartbreaks, the friendships that felt eternal and the people we swore we’d never forgive eventually become memories. The older I get, the more I realize how quickly life changes. One day you’re in school surrounded by the closest friends and then suddenly everyone moves in different directions. Careers begin, relationships end, friends get married and start families. People move to different cities and countries. Entire chapters of our life quietly disappear until they become stories that happened to somebody else; your past self.

Looking back now, at thirty-four years old, I can honestly say that things are better than okay. For a long time, I believed I was surrounded by problems, but looking back, many of them existed only inside my head. My own negative attitude, all the anxieties, fears, insecurities and imaginary disasters that never came to fruition. In reality, I’ve been more than fortunate to have traveled to beautiful places, tasted amazing food, met incredible people, fallen in love, failed, learned from my experiences, grown and started over more than once. Life is good.

So why am I writing this? Life moves so quickly that you don’t realize how much has changed until you finally stop, sit down and look back to see how far you’ve come. Not long ago, my life looked very different. I had a stable job. I worked remotely. I lived close to my family. My mother was home. I had my car, my routines, my restaurants. I could spend weekends at the beach club, play golf at the lake or have drinks at my favorite bar. I had the woman I loved more than anyone else and I could see her whenever I wanted. I enjoyed life without worrying much about tomorrow. For a long time, my life and everything in it, felt perfect.

Hole #2 at the Corinto Golf Course in Club Salvadoreño. One of the many places that became part of my routine. I miss the familiar sights and sounds of my tropical paradise. ⛳🏌️🌴

You know what they say about good times? They don’t last.

Life in El Salvador is different. It’s a developing country but it’s full of character, tradition and warm hospitality. The language may be Spanish but the culture has its own personality. I had to adapt and learn what it meant to be Salvadoran, reconnecting with my roots and discovering a part of myself that I did not know existed. I learned the roads, went to the best beaches, celebrated traditions, learned what people ate, what they fight about and what brought them together. I learned about my people and their behavior.

People have a way of changing your life. I made some really good friends. Some lasted and others didn’t. New faces came and went constantly but somewhere along the way, I fell in love more times than I care to admit. The women of El Salvador certainly don’t make it difficult. That’s life. C’est la vie. Sooner or later, everyone pays the price for loving someone. I’ve learned that we hurt the people we love and the people we love end up hurting us.

My last relationship didn’t end the way I thought it would. Like many people, I had convinced myself that I had found the person I would spend the rest of my life with. I invested my time, trust and my heart into a future that was never meant to happen. The warning signs were there. She was deeply insecure, jealous and worst of all, a narcissist who frequently found fault in everyone around her; her closest friends, family members, coworkers and even my own. It didn’t seem to matter. Looking back, there were plenty of red flags but I chose to ignore them. Love has a way of doing that. It encourages us to focus on who we hope someone will become rather than who they are. We excuse things we normally wouldn’t. We convince ourselves that time will solve problems that are already standing right in front of us. I guess what they say is true: love is blind.

The hardest realization came when she admitted she had never truly loved me. Ouch. It no longer matters, the damage is done. She left eleven days before my birthday. I spent October, November, and December grieving, questioning everything and trying to understand how something that felt so real could disappear so quickly. Yet while I was mourning the end of one chapter, I was already unknowingly starting the next.

When one door closes, another opens.

With what money I had left, I took a gamble. I searched for apartments in the United States, I gathered documents, booked a flight, rented a car, reserved a hotel room and in January, I flew to the US for a little over a week to see if I could get an apartment, if it was actually possible. I toured, drove through unfamiliar neighborhoods and spent my days exploring New York and New Jersey. The entire time, I kept asking myself the same question: Can I do this?

At the airport in San Salvador, waiting for my flight and the start of a new adventure.

At times, I felt uncertain. I carried the weight of heartbreak with me everywhere I went. Part of me wanted to stay home, to return to what was familiar and remain surrounded by everything I had ever known. But deep down, I knew that staying would only prolong the pain. What was I going to do? Lock myself in my room? Feel sorry for myself? Spend my days reliving memories and hoping things would somehow change? No thanks. You can keep our spot at the beach club.

A comfort zone is a beautiful place but nothing ever grows there.

El Salvador gave me my family, my memories, my friendships, my biggest mistakes and some of the best years of my life. But I never felt like I could fit the mold. I couldn’t see the future I wanted there for myself. I wanted more career opportunities. I could never find a job in my field in El Salvador because we’re so far behind. I wanted to grow. I wanted to become someone different from the person I had always been. This felt like my one and only chance, the opportunity to discover what I was capable of when nobody was there to catch me if I fell.

Many people are content inheriting the lives built by their parents. There is nothing wrong with that but I always wanted to find my own path. My mother has always encouraged me. She told me to take calculated risks. She never told me to settle. She pushed me forward, supported me and taught me to pursue the dreams that truly mattered to me. One of those dreams had always been to live close to New York City.

The city had lived in my imagination for years. The bright lights and skyscrapers. Generations of artists had arrived there chasing impossible dreams to leave their mark on the world. I wanted to be surrounded by that hustle energy mentality. I needed to chase my dreams and create something meaningful. I wanted to build something that would outlive me and I knew I wasn’t going to accomplish that by staying in my comfort zone.

Eventually, everything fell into place. Against all odds, I found an apartment and got the keys. I remember feeling relieved. It was finally real. Then I flew back to El Salvador for a few final weeks before the move which was hat was harder than I expected.

For thirty-three years, I lived with my mother. To some people that might sound unusual but to me, it was a blessing. My mother sacrificed more for me than I could ever repay. She came to the United States with nothing, learned a new language, earned her master’s degree, built a career and created opportunities that she never had herself. Everything I am today is rooted in the sacrifices she made for our family. She gave me every advantage she could and loved me unconditionally. Leaving her was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made.

I was already grieving the loss of a relationship and now I was choosing to leave behind the one person who had been there for me my entire life. Growth demands discomfort. The right decision is often the hardest one. If I stayed, I would remain comfortable. If I left, I would have the chance to discover who I was on my own. I might fail, but at least the failure would come from trying. So I chose to leave. On February 11th, 2025, I arrived in New Jersey with two suitcases to an empty apartment, a broken heart and a head full of dreams. No furniture. No dishes. No bed. It was just me.

Over the next few weeks, I slowly built a life from scratch. I bought an air mattress the day I arrived and then a memory foam mattress came a day later. I assembled the bed frame, went to pots and pans, a coffee maker, chairs, silverware and a TV. I started learning where the nearest grocery is, understanding train routes, created my Amazon Prime account. I ordered so many things that an entire corner in the apartment became dedicated to carboard boxes. One step at a time, an empty space started feeling like a slice of home.

The last night I spent at the hotel I frequently stayed at, I remember telling myself, “I will buy a mattress that’s just as comfortable as this one with blackout curtains so I can sleep like this forever.” And you know what? I did exactly that. I bought a $300 memory foam mattress and it has been one of the best purchases I’ve ever made. I have absolutely no regrets. I highly recommend everyone invest in a good mattress.

I found many of the essentials I needed to turn an empty apartment into a home in IKEA and with Amazon. Both are an an absolute lifesaver. It made furnishing and settling into a new life incredibly convenient.

I thought the hardest part was over but I was wrong. The company I worked for had been acquired the year before. As the months went by, people were being let go. Two weeks after I arrived, I learned that I would be fired. By the middle of March, I would be unemployed. I had enough money left to survive for another month or two. Imagine leaving everything behind and moving to a new country. You spend your savings building a life. Then, almost immediately, you’re told that the job you came for is disappearing.

For some reason I wasn’t worried because I knew panicking wouldn’t solve anything. So I updated my résumé, polished my portfolio, refined my website and then I started applying every day while renting a car, attending interviews in a foreign place. I kept moving forward because I had no other choice. Eventually, one of those applications led me to a company and that would become the beginning of another chapter entirely. To get the job, I needed a car. That might sound simple but it became another lesson in adulthood.

Cooking has become my love language. I’ve spent the past year learning family favorites and experimenting with recipes. There have been plenty of failures, wasted ingredients and bleeding fingers along the way, but I’ve improved and I’m genuinely proud of what comes out of the kitchen.

Back in El Salvador, there were many things I never had to worry about. Suddenly I found myself learning about leases, insurance policies, tolls, parking tickets, paying bills and all the responsibilities that come with building a life in the United States. Eventually, I found the right one for me. A Toyota Corolla Cross LE. It was perfect. Brand new model and in black. I remember driving it home for the first time and parking it under a cherry blossom tree. For the first time in a long time, it felt like everything was starting to make sense.

My car! A Toyota for Ota. Modern, comfortable and the perfect size.

Sometimes I sit back and think about everything that happened during those first few months. In less than ninety days, I moved to a new country, rented my first apartment, furnished it from scratch, lost one job, found another, bought my first car and began rebuilding my life. When I stop and think about it, it almost sounds unbelievable. The new job turned out to be far better than the one before. It offered greater opportunities to do the things I loved most, all within a comfortable environment surrounded by professional, respectful and educated people. I felt genuinely valued and I actually looked forward to waking up and going to work each day.

Every day I felt encouraged to grow. Everything I had hoped to find was there and somehow, I found it all within three months of arriving. I realize my faith was one thing that carried me through all of it. There were many nights when I didn’t know how things would work out. I was uncertain of the future. I wondered if I had made the biggest mistake of my life but I never once doubted that in the end, somehow, someway, things would be okay.

I prayed. For peace of mind, for courage, for strength, for wisdom. God are you still listening? Sometimes His answer is yes. Sometimes He says no. Sometimes you just have to play the waiting game. And sometimes He gives us something wonderful before asking us to let it go. I’ve learned that faith isn’t believing you’ll always get what you want. Faith is believing there is a reason when you don’t. There is a saying I have always loved:

If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. 🙏

Because if someone had told me two years ago that I would lose the woman I loved, leave my country, start over in New Jersey, lose my job, get a new job, buy a car, buy my first apartment furniture piece by piece, get a new computer to continue working on my video game and spend weekends walking through Central Park, I would never have believed them. Yet here I am.

Welcome to my backyard. My life in New York City and New Jersey has been full of adventures, all because I chose to believe in myself and take a chance. Sometimes I still can’t believe this is real. Here’s a collection of random moments and places.

When I walk through New York City, I have to remind myself that this is real. Millions of people across the world dream of being where I am, in my shoes. They plan their vacations, hoping to spend a few days here. They save money for a long time just to visit Times Square, walk through Central Park, eat at famous restaurants and stand among the skyscrapers. Somehow this became my backyard. I can take the train or drive into Manhattan whenever I want. I can see my favorite paintings in museums. Sit by the Hudson river or in Times Square to watch the billboards. The dream I spent years imagining became my reality.

Not because I was special or because I was lucky but because I was willing to leave my comfort zone behind and take a chance on myself. I always have believed in me. Today, I feel happiness.  I pray for my family, for my friends, for my coworkers, for my mother, for Wolfie. I’m grateful for every failure, heartbreak, setback and unexpected detour that pushed me toward becoming the person I am today. I still carry pain with me. There are memories that feel fresh when I close my eyes. There are still questions I may never have answers to but I have learned acceptance.

Some people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. 

God has not finished writing my story just yet. I refuse to give up. There are still mountains left to climb. Places left to see. People I can share my love with and worlds left to create. For as long as God continues to stay beside me, I’ll keep walking forward one step at a time. We all step into a new chapter whether we’re ready or not. Looking back now, so much has happened in such a short amount of time that it’s difficult to process it all. Writing these experiences is a way to organize my thoughts, to understand what I had been through and to remove the weight I had been carrying in my mind.

Life is a journey through grief, love, friendship, loss, faith and personal growth. Writing can be difficult because it requires you to revisit moments spending time trying to forget. It forces you to confront emotions, decisions and memories that you didn’t fully understand at the time. It took time to see those experiences for what they truly were. Lessons only make sense in hindsight and wounds can only be healed after they’ve been understood.

I didn’t come this far just to come this far.

My hope is that by sharing these experiences, someone else going through a similar struggle might make sense of their own and feel a little less alone. I’m looking forward to writing but I also want to focus more on my video game, Abyss.

Until then, this blog serves as a small glimpse into a much larger story. Life has a funny way of taking us exactly where we need to go, even when we have no idea where we’re headed. Chapters have to end so others can begin. People need to leave so others can arrive and some dreams must die so others can be born.